I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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