I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
