seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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