she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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