Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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