The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
