So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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