We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
