someone owes me an orgasm
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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