you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
