I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
