Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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