My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You are the jesus of drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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