She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
