dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
