So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
