I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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