You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
