so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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