So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
