Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
