I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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