HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
