So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
