We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize