my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so let's talk penis.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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