He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
