wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize