mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
as a side note pls kill me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
