Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
