Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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