i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
