Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
