Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
