It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
