I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
