Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
