so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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