ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
