Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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