It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize