Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
