yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
