I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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