I think scott just propositioned me for sex
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
