Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
