So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
