it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
