Your tits are I can't wait for
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
