Sponge bath it is.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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