I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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