I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
