I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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