doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
