my being single is dangerous.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
