Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
