We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
