We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
