i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
