eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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