Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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