Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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