So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
