So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
