i don't like sucking hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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