Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
