just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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