Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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