remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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