Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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