dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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