I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
