if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
