found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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