From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
