I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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