So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
