I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
