Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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