Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
