Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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