I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
