Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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