I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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