just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
