He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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