ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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