I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
