You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
