Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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