nut hugger
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
